It’s almost summer. 40 days to be exact. You know what that means? Boats, booze, and bitches. Obviously for you guys that don’t fancy the boats, pool parties are the only other option. I’ve included a list of pools you should bless with your presence this summer. For those of you that don’t live on the west coast please read on in envy.
Tao Beach in The Venetian, 3355 Las Vegas Blvd S., 702-388-8338 Opens 4-18
- Ahh sweet Tao, so right yet so wrong. Why do they spend so much money on the place and then ruin it when they let fat girls and guys who wear sunglasses at night in the clubs? Let’s hope they keep it clean this summer at the Beach. This used to be a secret hidden pool where you had to know somebody, that knows somebody, that gave somebody a blowjob once to get in. Now, its open to all. They still supposedly only let people in who are hype for el pipe but I was there on 2 occassions last summer and someone was slippin at the door. Fer sher. Hopefully, they’ll get it together this year and make it as magical as it should be.
Wet Republic- inside the MGM Grand, 3799 Las Vegas Blvd S., 877-880-0880 Opens 4-18-09
- Ignore the fact that you actually have to walk through that hotel to get there, this is actually a pretty cool pool. Also ignore the fact that they give out free passes to whichever troll walks through that club Studio 54. If you can get past those, you have one more challenge. Ignore the fact that the last time I was there it rained cottage cheese and has-been stripper stds. You ask, is there such thing as a “has been stripper”? Yes, and they come in packs to Wet Republic. Girls that at one point used to be tight and now have let themselves go because they stopped getting the good shifts at the rhino on fri and saturday nights. Now their other hot friends won’t dare tell them that they look like shit and that their bathing suit has lint balls on them. Anyways, I like this place because its set up super sweet and they always have a rad dj on deck. If you can look past all the negatives of walking inside MGM, cover your mouth through the casino to avoid getting big whoofs of high kick karate and old spice, you will find Wet Republic very pleasing. Enjoy!
Mondrian Hotel 8440 W Sunset Blvd (at Between Queens Road and Olive Drive)
West Hollywood, CA 90069
-This place I have few words for. It’s classy, chic, and for fucksakes its in WeHo. Everyone knows there aren’t any bad things in WeHo. It’s a lot more chill mode than the other pool but you are sure to have plenty of dirty eye candy, if you’re into that type of stuff. The Morgan’s Hotel Group actually does it right everytime they try. The Mondrian in Scottsdale is also a dosey. Orange skin and blonde hair everywhere. Looks like a fucking creamsicle from a helicopter.
Hard Rock Hotel Downtown San Diego
This place! For being in SD they have put together a nice little schwanky place to chill on Sundays. It also opens this weekend on the 19th. The drinks are retardid and the crowd is so so. Most of the party scene from San Diego don’t attend this because of the overwhelming presence of newbies of downtown. I swear this place puts ads in the fucking east county newspaper or something. If you don’t party downtown ever, why decide to travel on a SUNDAY, which is God’s day, to come take up space at a pool you live nowhere close to? I mean, we know who you are. Your pink flip flops match your pink skirt and you are wearing 7 tanktops in different shades of pink. It’s not just you. The guys come in their “I just went to mission beach and bought these trunks” outfits and wear oakleys. The dudes come in like 10 deep too and all stand around. One guy in the group will take his shirt off and the rest will just stand and sweat. I see you people, and you bother me. You win though, I stay out of the Hard Rock pool. Maybe this year it will be different? They are under new management and have put some mohawk guy who I swear used to do the same thing at this club I went to before I was fucking 21. He’s like 129 and hes working the VIP of hardrock. Anyways, yeah, that guy is promising a whole new world like Aladdin. I’ll try once and if I see one square billed hat to the side with super skinny spy glasses or a fat girl with denim skirts on IM OUT! Ill stick to the tanning beds and patio dining/drinking. It’s not that serious.
Now get out from your computer and go do some situps! You’re ruining it for the rest of us.
